“I could care less about what you do!”

This is something a character said in a story I recently edited. Perhaps you’ve said it in real life to someone who has bothered you in some way. Maybe they hurt you, so as a way to clap back at them with an I don’t care anyway type of response, you said, “I could care less!”

Huh. You have just been quite honest with them without realizing it.

We Care Deeply

It seems this type of outburst is often said when we actually do care quite a lot about what the other person did or didn’t do. Perhaps they were gone all day and didn’t text or call to tell you where they were. You spent the day caring immensely—your concern over the whole situation filled your thoughts. Do they not care enough about me to let me know where they are? Am I not a priority to them? Has something happened to them and that’s why they aren’t responding or checking in?

Let’s carry the imaginary scene further: Late that night, they finally come home, but instead of an apology, they act as though you are the one who is wrong for being too nosy, or too controlling, or too whatever. They say, “I was just out. Relax.” In response, you say, “I am relaxed. I could care less about what you do!”

The first part of that sentence is definitely not true; you are not relaxed and haven’t been relaxed all day! In fact, you’ve been on an angry/sad/scared rollercoaster. But, and here is the funny part, the second part of the sentence is entirely true. You could care less, because the amount you care is a lot (evidenced by all the worry). The phrase you meant to say is “I couldn’t care less.” You wanted to communicate that you care so little that you could not care any less.

The Lesson

The lesson here is this: The next time you want to mask your real feelings with someone, be sure to say, “I couldn’t care less!”

But we humans care a great deal, don’t we?

**Sidenote: Merriam Webster treats “I could care less” the same as “I couldn’t care less” since it has become such a common phrase. Webster calls it a “fixed variant,” but many grammarians say it is incorrect. Honestly, I could care less about which you use.